Lessons Learned

Psalm 61:2 "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I"

I love this verse. As the end of my first year at Liberty comes to a close, I have begun to realize a few things. First, this year was not as easy as I had first expected (these things rarely are). I went in with an expectation but I did not take myself to task and therefore ended up stumbling and even falling flat on my face many times. The other night, my heart was convicted and I fell on my knees because I realized just how broken I am; how much I need Christ. Time and again I have lived in a vicious cycle and haven't been willing to truly change unless it was for a few days or weeks. But the kinds of changes I need to make are not accomplished in a week, a month, or a year. They are life changes and I have to be willing to put in the time and effort to make them. The second thing I realized is that I am not alone. The devil wants us to believe that we are lone rangers as it were in this life; that we are the only ones who struggle with the sins that we do; that we can never be changed and that God doesn't love us. But these are all lies. He is, after all, the father of lies. The third thing is that Jesus is OBSESSED with me! I am left in awe of this fact. It's so hard to fathom: that a perfect, all powerful, all knowing, all loving God WANTS ME. I still don't fully grasp that. I look at my life and sometimes don't see anything worth salvaging. But the sweet sweet news of this all is that Jesus does. In fact, He thinks my life is so worth salvaging and saving that He died the most horrid, painful, humiliating death imaginable so I could be FREE; so we ALL could be FREE. I often look back at my choices and I am ashamed. But shame, the kind that has so often gripped my heart and caused me to run and hid, that kind of shame, is a weapon in Satan's arsenal. It does not convict, it kills. It drains the life from you until you feel you have no reason to change, no reason to try. And all of that is caused by the sin that we choose to give into on a daily basis. But, sin does NOT have to control us! We will sin because we are fallen, broken human beings. But, we can choose to repent and seek forgiveness from the Father that loves us so very much. We can make a choice to try and live like Jesus. The final thing I've learned is actually something I'm still learning: That Jesus TRULY is my refuge and strength! He IS the ROCK that is HIGHER than me. My heart is often overwhelmed. But I am making a choice, now and forever, to seek the rock that is higher than I; to choose Jesus because without Him, I am completely and utterly lost.